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\begin{document}

\title{OpenCon2017 London Blog Competition}



\author[1]{Jerome Samson}%
\affil[1]{Affiliation not available}%


\vspace{-1em}



  
  \date{May 22, 2024}


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\section*{Essay prompt: What concrete benefits can be realized by making
scholarly research outputs openly
available?}

{\label{848373}}\par\null

NONE. ABSOLUTELY NONE. Making scholarly research outputs openly
available - pffft, are you daft!?~ Under the benevolence of our grand
vizier, and for the good of humanity, research outputs have always been
stashed out of sight. In a decompression chamber somewhere. Under lock
and key. Cryonized for all eternity. Why mess with a winning formula?

If you make it open, people might start reading that stuff, rather than
sticking to the headline in the press release or the artwork on the
cover, and where is that going to lead us? We don't have time to read
anymore! No, that's true, we have the attention span of a goldfish,
everyone says so - I read it on @IFLScience. Who needs the aggravation?
I'll tell you what: some papers have titles that are so long that by the
time I get to the end of it (the title, that is), I'm exhausted. As far
as I'm concerned, if someone has to say `carassius auratus' instead of
`goldfish' to feel important, they deserve to have their paper locked
away under two locks and two keys! I can only do so many roundtrips to
Wikipedia before I start getting thirsty.

If you make it open, people might start questioning what they read too,
and that's just rude. You don't go around poking and sniffing all the
melons at the produce stand to see which ones are ripe, do you? You do?
Well, that's an unhealthy habit, stop it.

And I'm asking you: what are people going to do with all their money if
they're not subscribing to expensive journals anymore? They're going to
go on vacation to a lavish conference, like OpenCon, and stop doing
science, that's what. You can't tell me that's good for science. What's
that? They can spend that same amount of money to list their papers as
openly available?

That's wicked, man - but I like the way you're thinking!

\par\null

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